FETCH ME GRATITUDE

Rescuing Aiden was an act of my own rescue. He taught me about finding hope in forgiveness and gratitude in second chances.

When Aiden and I first met, we were both in the midst of the darkest times of our lives; each on the precipice of a new beginning. Aiden had been seized by Maine State Animal Welfare for abuse and neglect and I was on the edge of a life-changing breakup. At the time, I was working at our local humane society, and when he was brought in he weighed about 58 pounds, which was about 30 pounds below his ideal weight. You could see and count almost all of his ribs. He had been chained outside without food for so long that it took nearly five baths to wash out all the rust from his fur to restore his lush yellow coat. His teeth were worn down from eating rocks to fill the void in his empty stomach. Malnourishment not only affected his physical health, but robbed him of his spirit. He was a vacant, apathetic and lethargic shell of a dog.

The humane society was awarded temporary custody of Aiden while the state pursued legal action against his original owners. This could take weeks or months, which meant Aiden was in limbo while a court decided his fate. Not wanting him to deteriorate further in a kennel, the staff wanted to place him in foster care. However, because he was a ward of the state, he needed to be placed with a staff person and not a volunteer to reduce risk. I was asked if I would consider taking Aiden in. Since we had little history on Aiden and I had Nala, Koda and Banzai's welfare to balance, I asked for some time to think about it.

I sought some time alone to bond with Aiden. The first time I crawled into his kennel he barely acknowledged my presence. So I just sat with him and told him my story as I petted him whenever he would allow. He didn't seek my affection, but he also never once growled, snapped or sneered at me. I could tell just by looking into his eyes, he was a kind, gentle soul. But, his soul was tired.

For several days I continued to sit with Aiden in his kennel, while I considered fostering him. At the time I couldn't see it, but if I am being honest, sitting with Aiden those first days in his kennel was like looking in a mirror. My soul too was tired.

I finally agreed to foster Aiden. I brought Nala and Koda to the shelter to meet him. Their initial meet and greet went well. Check. Then I worked with staff to learn about his nutritional plan, what to expect behaviorally, and the limitations of our relationship while he was in our temporary custody. They also changed his name so his owners couldn't find him. We chose Aiden, not only because it was softer, but it was phonetically similar to make it easier for him to learn. (I have since discovered that Aiden means fiery or bringer of fire, which in hindsight is ironic, given what unfolded and my ongoing connection to the phoenix). Initially, I was told that often there are a lot of challenges transitioning dogs who have lived life on a chain into a home. And, as we reversed his malnourishment, we may see aggressive and destructive behavior emerge. So I braced myself for the worst.

But, the worst never came. As soon as Aiden stepped foot in our house and into our pack, it was like he was always meant to be there. He got along beautifully with Nala and Koda and showed the deepest respect through apathy to our kitty, Banzai. As the weeks followed he never had one accident in the house, displayed destructive behavior, or showed aggression towards me or the other animals even when it came to food. Each day he put on weight, we saw a bit more of Aiden's personality surface. He became a goofy, jolly and devoted soul. Watching him awkwardly learn to play with toys and in a canine pack at middle age, estimated to be about seven or eight, was not only a joy to watch, but also inspiring. While I fostered him, we couldn't bring him into public so we had to leave him behind when we adventured out. He waited for our return with patience, love and hopeful optimism.

After a month, Aiden gained almost 30 pounds just in time for the Maine judicial system to review his case. Despite irrefutable evidence that Aiden had indeed been neglected and starved, and his physical state was not related to a medical condition as his owners argued, the judge ruled with an unusual and bizarre stipulation: the humane society had 30 days to find and present to the court a better adoptive home than his previous one. If we did then he would be officially awarded to the new adopter. But, if the judge didn't approve, then he would go back to his original home. And so the clock began and so did the fight.

About a week after the the ruling, my life blew up. My ex and I had the fight that ended all fights. Twelve years of broken promises, unresolved hurts and silent resentment had built up into lies, an affair and a dramatic exit that there was no coming back from. Nor did I want it to. It was over. It had been over. I was exhausted from fighting, from being unhappy, and being stuck on the hamster wheel of life and an unfulfilling relationship. Any energy I had left needed to be reserved for my own rescue, and for Aiden's.

I spiraled into a lot of anger, followed by a dark depression. I was angry at my ex, at myself for wasting the last twelve years of my life, and at the judge for his verdict. The humane society staff and I agreed that we couldn't ask an adopter to jump through all the legal hoops the judge was asking for. It wasn't fair and wasn't consistent with our adoption policies or philosophy. I considered adopting Aiden myself, but my new circumstances complicated things. I was concerned about being able to care for a fourth pet financially. Aiden deserved the best life he could find in his second act.

But, that's the beauty of divine intervention. Sometimes when the situation feels the most dire, the most impossible, and the most ominous, it is because something unseen, something bigger than ourselves is orchestrating the outcome. If the shelter had been awarded full official custody of Aiden right away, he would've been put up for adoption soon after my break up because I would have believed that was what was best for both of us. Most likely he would have found a wonderful home, it just wouldn't have been with me. Because of the judge's bizarre request, despite the craziness unfolding in my life, it sent me into a creative brainstorm that also provided me with a much needed distraction. Could I make it work and if so how?

Quickly the answers came. My amazing colleagues surrounded me with support, reminding me that one of our job perks was access to quality but reduced cost animal care (medical, food and otherwise), if I needed to lean on it temporarily while I got on my feet. They would help me keep Aiden. So the fight began. I started gathering photos and written documentation of Aiden's life with me, along with recommendations from shelter colleagues and veterinarians attesting to me as an owner. If i had to go to court I would.

Despite being ready to fight, our day in court never came. The judge reviewed my adopter profile and granted me full ownership of Aiden. A week after my ex walked out the door, I completed the official adoption paperwork for Aiden. Fighting for Aiden awakened something in me and I began to fight for myself.

It didn't take long for me to figure out that Aiden was one of my spirit guardians sent to me at the exact time I needed a devoted friend to walk me through a difficult time and help lead me back to my path. I know this to be true because even though I officially committed to care for Aiden for life, our relationship was always meant to truly be temporary- at least here on earth. Aiden and I only had a year and a half together before he was diagnosed with terminal osteosarcoma. He crossed Rainbow Bridge just a couple of weeks before I moved from the house I shared with my ex into a charming house of my very own. His purpose was to get me there, but not to come with us.

During our short time together, Aiden taught me a lot of deep spiritual lessons. He taught me about the power of forgiveness. In spite of being starved, neglected and abused by the humans he thought he could trust, he welcomed his second chance with our pack without conditions or preconceived notions. He never transferred the pain, hurt, betrayal, or fear into our experience. Instead he came with an open heart. And because of that, he lived each moment with a full tail wag, teaching me about true gratitude.

I always said Aiden was a "bowl half full" kind of dog, even though for years his was left empty. Life with Aiden was like seeing everything through a puppy's eyes for the first time. Every morning I woke to the sound of Aiden's tail wagging against my bedside table with hopeful eyes and stomach that breakfast would come once again.

Each time he ate, he would wag his tail. And, after he finished, he would roll over on the floor onto his back and wag across the kitchen floor. Every single time. I used to call it his happy gratitude dance. That is gratitude. Once you know what it is like to go without, every gift, whether food, a loving pat on the head, or comfy place to lay is worth giving thanks for.

Every time we went on an adventure, Aiden rode with his head out the window with a big open mouthed grin like it was the best day ever. That is gratitude. When you live your life on a chain with only rocks as companions, a walk in the forest, a swim at the beach, or a drive to Gifford's for an ice cream with your family is an adventure worth celebrating.

Often it isn't until tragedy arrives at our door that we find gratitude for what we had, what we lost or for all the things we never had to go without. Aiden has taught me that even if life chains you to a stake without food in your bowl or kind touch, hope will find you and lead you to the most unlikely of second chances. And, forgiveness will release you from the invisible shackles that keep you from finding gratitude in the rescue.

Aiden's story has inspired my own. He was my first therapy dog partner, sharing our story to help others, and is the reason I continued down the path of animal assisted therapy work with Nala, Koda and as a team evaluator.

Now, every day I try to demonstrate gratitude for all I have and all I have been given no matter my circumstances. It is because of Aiden, and in honor of him, that serves as a daily reminder to Fetch Me Gratitude.

With gratitude and love,

Stacey & Aiden