FETCH ME THE MOON

Every month the full moon teaches us to let go of what no longer serves us in order to make room for something new. And, the lunar eclipse this May asks us to exercise more vulnerability in our relationships with ourselves and others. But for me, it has been my dogs who have shown me authentically how to integrate the energy of the moon into our daily lives.

Derived from Greek mythology, wolves howling at a full moon has been depicted in movies and storytelling for centuries. But, the truth is there is no scientific or biological connection between wolves and them howling at the moon. They are simply nocturnal creatures who howl to communicate with their pack. However, despite this reality, I do believe wolves and their descendants, the dog, are more spiritually connected to the energy of the moon than we might fully be aware.

Full moons offer us an opportunity to let go of the burdens we have been carrying so we can move on more freely and openly. Lunar eclipses offer us time to reflect and ask us to be more vulnerable with ourselves and others.

One of the greatest lessons any dog has every taught me- from shelter dog to each of my own- has been the ability to live in the present. Dogs are some of the most resilient creatures I know, often learning to adapt to changing circumstances better than any human I know. While their experiences most definitely shape their personality and reaction to what unfolds around them, dogs don’t hold grudges, they don’t cling to the past, and you absolutely can teach an old dog new tricks. Dogs are always willing to evolve in order to survive their present circumstance. I have personally witnessed dogs rescued from neglect and abuse blossom into dogs who learn to allow and trust human touch, transforming from a scared, withdrawn pup to a more confident, social one with just a little bit of time, patience and commitment.

In the months after Nala died, Koda regressed back into the insecure and withdrawn pup I first brought home from the shelter. I wasn’t ready to consider another dog and given Koda’s history of not being a pack dog, I thought we just needed time to acclimate to our new normal. But that never happened. Koda was unraveling in his grief. I quickly came to learn; however, that it wasn’t because Koda was clinging to Nala or our loss that caused him to regress. Instead it was his attachment to our pack dynamic and his role within it that had now been altered in her absence. Koda has no interest in being an alpha dog. It causes him anxiety to be the one in charge of protecting and comforting everyone in our pack all the time. He is happy sharing the attention, dividing the responsibility of owning a human, and protecting a household. And he is a one-dog-kind-of-guy who thrives being part of a duo with a dog to bond with and who brings out the best version of himself.

When I first introduced Ru to Koda, he didn’t snap at her in grief, guard his territory or reject her because she wasn’t Nala. On the contrary, he welcomed her open heartedly with a play bow, a kiss on the muzzle and a romp around the yard. Don’t get me wrong, we have had our growing pains like all good relationships do: he has had to learn how to share his frisbees and balls, accept that she is faster than he is, and be patient as she imitates him in obedience training, learning to swim and becoming more comfortable with strangers.

We have had Ru almost a year now and the progress is evident; most recently when we visited the vet for their annual exam. While Ru was still nervous, she has made great strides. Last year she buried herself under my car seat when we pulled into the parking lot and sat shaking in the corner of the vet office, refusing to let anyone near her to examine her. This year she timidly walked right in with Koda and I, and eventually let me hold her while the vet administered the exam. During the visit, Koda lovingly offered her solasce by giving her kisses on the head, displaying comforting affection and illustrating how their bond has deepened in less than a year.

While we have hit some rocky terrain this last year transitioning from life with Nala to life with Ru, it has been I who has struggled more. The pain of loss has prevented me from truly opening my heart to Ru and anything else in life for that matter since losing both my mom and Nala , changing careers and surviving isolation during a global pandemic.

Once you know how fragile life is; how quickly it can be ripped apart and the pain that accompanies those losses and trauma, it is hard to allow the possibility of inviting that kind of pain back in. Most days it is hard enough to allow yourself to want to find love, joy or purpose again because you carry the losses and the pain with you wherever you go. It is even harder to take the steps to go out, seek those things and welcome them in.

But I am learning that you can either choose to allow pain and emptiness to pull you backwards into a withdrawn, lonely and dark place or you can choose to move forward seeking the joys, relationships, and experiences that will shine a little light along your way; helping you integrate what was with what is.

After devastating loss and trauma I don’t believe happiness simply grows back in time. And I don’t think life just falls back together again. At best, I think it all —happiness, love, life— gets redefined, changes shape and becomes intertwined within the ache of grief. All the joy, love, and everything new entangles with the loss, pain and sorrow to soften it. However, in order for the softening, for the integration of the past and the present, to occur you have to let go, be willing to the be vulnerable, and stay open to the possibility that there is a life worth living out there waiting for you on the horizon.

Letting go and being vulnerable is hard work and an ongoing struggle for me. But I am grateful to have some of the greatest four legged teaches walking alongside me in my journey, carrying with them the mysticism and wisdom of their ancestors encouraging me to let go, stay vulnerable, and Fetch Me the Moon.

Love, Stacey, Koda and Ru